Planting New Roots

We had certain expectations for what our lives would look like right now. And a month from now. And six months. Even 5 years from now. But our lives have changed in an unexpectedly beautiful way. God has called our family to leave our home here in Central Illinois for a new adventure in Southern Illinois. Toby has accepted a position at Southern Illinois Healthcare in Carbondale and we have found a place to live in Carterville, just a 10 minute drive from his (soon-to-be) office.

One huge blessing is that this is much closer to our families. We look forward to reuniting with old friends and meeting new ones. At the same time, we are sad to say goodbye to our church family and dear friends in the Chambana area. Toby has 2 weeks of work left here in Central Illinois, then we have a week to pack everything and move to our duplex in Carterville. That's not much time for closure, but it is what we have.

Please pray with us and for us as we make this transition. We love you all so much and cherish your support.

Welcome Trick-or-Treaters!

If you have found this blog because of a flier you and/or your children received while trick-or-treating, welcome to SeeMamaRun! My name is Joanna. I am just your average mom who likes to hang out with her zany 1 year old, spend as much time as possible with her geeky husband, and obsessively take pictures to put in her scrapbooks.

Running has never really been my thing. I'm probably the slowest runner you know. But I decided to pursue running as a way to raise money to rebuild the West Side Park. Our community needs a safe place for our children to play. If you feel the same way, please head over to the Thomasboro Watch website to find out more or to donate to the cause.

To read more of my story, feel free to browse my past posts. You may want to begin at the beginning. Thanks so much for stopping by to learn more about SeeMamaRun!

I Ran!

Sunday. was. amazing.

The colors of the leaves, the slightly chilly air, the beautiful hedges and statues of Allerton--my run couldn't have been more perfect! And run I did, the entire 2 miles. This is no small feat considering the tragic loss of exactly one month earlier.

Part of me didn't want to run. The plan had been to run the 5.5 mile race pregnant, and on Sunday I had to face the painful truth that I was running the 2 mile race without my sweet baby. Another part of me knew that I just had to run. People were counting on me to do this. I was counting on me to do this. So I conjured up every ounce of motivation possible to get me started and keep me going. It also helped that two very handsome guys were cheering* me on!

*Actually, Toby was cheering me on and James was very confused as to why he had to be out in the middle of nowhere in the cold while crazy people ran and pretended to like it. But I like to think that James was cheering me on somewhere inside his one-and-a-half year old mind.

Ahem, anyway the most important part is that by 9am on Sunday, October 25th SeeMamaRun reached $1,700 in donations. With tears in my eyes, I say a big, sincere THANK YOU. Thank you for supporting me, thank you for supporting the West Side Park, and thank you for making our dreams of playground equipment possible. I can't wait to unveil our plans for the new toddler area which will be installed in the coming Spring.

And I can't wait to tell you my next undertaking for the park. Stay tuned!

Watch Me Go!

The day is drawing near...running day. But I assure you, I look NOTHING like this picture above. The buff-ness of that woman astounds me. And the outfit, ohmygoodness, is definitely not what I'll be wearing at the end of October in chilly Central Illinois. Do you think it will look weird if I wear a snowsuit to run the race? Ok, just checking.

Although, there is something to be said for wearing short shorts. In fact, my charming husband has a delightful theory about runners and shorts. It goes a little something like this:

The shorter the runner's shorts are, the quicker he/she will finish the race.

It's pretty much spot on. Every race I've ever seen (yeah, all 3 of them) have proven this theory true. The people like me who wear long pants and baggy t-shirts finish in the middle or near the end. The girls in cute and tasteful apparel finish with a bit better time. But the ones who make you question just how legal it is to appear in public so scantily clad, THOSE are the women that kick butt and win races. Lest I discriminate too harshly, it is the same for guys--the less they are wearing the faster they finish too. Only their apparel is not quite as obscene.

Is it just my husband and me, or have you noticed this trend too? Regardless of your opinion, if you happen to be at the Allerton Trail Run on Sunday, please feel free to test out this theory for yourself. Oh, and stop by and say hello if you get the chance.

Did I mention that SeeMamaRun has raised $1,656 for West Side Park? Well it has...so thank you for making this fund raising effort a huge success. Keep reading to find out how the big race goes.

I Never Got to Hold You

Yesterday I attended a memorial service at a local church for babies who have died in early pregnancy, late pregnancy and infancy. It was a beautiful tribute to the children who have left us too soon. Even though I cried through the entire 2 hour service, it was a perfect opportunity for some closure.

Through this ceremony moms, dads and grandparents all were given their turns at the microphone to tell their stories. Stories of sadness and heart ache, but also of hope. Some of them lost their children during pregnancy, others just days after the birth and one couple lost their child when he was just 3.5 months old.

One thing that really spoke to me is that everyone who has suffered the loss of a child, even those who have experienced it 30 years ago, say that the pain never goes away. You don't just "get over it." And no subsequent children ever "make up for" the child you lost. It seems that we will always miss this baby that left us so soon, we will always be sad that we never got to hold him or her in our arms. And that's ok.

Even so, I experienced a lot of final-ness. (New word?). The baby's death has been both unreal and too real at the same time. But as my close friend and I walked down the aisle together to light our candles for my sweet baby, it became final. It really became goodbye, baby instead of did this really happen? It has been just 2 weeks since we found out our baby had gone home to be with Jesus, 2 weeks since I delivered the baby at the hospital. I still look pregnant and the grief is still raw and fresh, but now it somehow feels finished. Not sure if that makes much sense out loud, but inside my head it does.

I never got to hold you, darling baby. Neither did Daddy or James. But we all love you anyway. We are sad you left us so soon. But we know the hope of meeting you some day when we meet our Savior. Until then, we'll hold on to the memory we have of you. And we'll find joy in it.

Who Turned Off The Heat?

Today I made my return to running. And it was freakin' cold. Naively, I put on a t-shirt and jogging pants. Went out for a 30 minute run, and came back just 10 minutes after starting. Fall is officially here...or maybe we skipped straight to winter?

In spite of the freezing cold, it felt great to be back to running again. It felt normal, which is a feeling that I've been missing lately. Coping with a tragedy is a unique experience for everyone, but there are generally two different ways people try to deal with loss: by changing things, or keeping them the same.

For me, this isn't all or nothing. There are some areas of my life where I want to do something completely different. But there's a longing for most things in my life to go back to the way they were--normal. Not that this is practical. There's an innocence that used to be present in my life that is now gone. There's no way to get that back. Thinking about my baby's death makes me sad. That will never completely go away in this lifetime.

But there are many things that I can do. I can take care of Sweet Toddler James. I can keep going to work every day. I can worship with my amazing friends at church on Sundays and hang out with them during the week. I can go to playdates, shop at the grocery store, make dinner for my family. And I can run.

Yard Sale

Thanks to everyone who made it out to the yard sale this weekend! Due to the generous donation of junk, ahem, treasures by neighbors and friends, half of the proceeds are going to the West Side Park which means....[drumroll please]...an additional $100 for playground equipment!

SeeMamaRun is now $29 away from raising $1,500 for the Thomasboro West Side Park. Some really sweet friends of mine have ideas for raising more money, including a bake sale. Stay tuned for more details. In addition to fundraisers, I am researching government and private grants, as well as applying for Jenny's Heroes to try to obtain more funds for equipment.

Thanks so much for your support.