See Mama Run

Running as therapy

2010-08-10T03:26:00.000-07:00

Exercise-induced happiness fights anger, sadness, and anxiety. Just read the numerous studies out there that have shown that exercise stimulates the neurotransmitters serotonin, dopamine, epinephrine, and beta-endorphin. It's easy to see how the body takes care of itself through exercise. I knew these facts before I became a runner. What I didn't realize was that in this state, it is more likely that the person running will disclose and deal with his/her thoughts and feelings that might not otherwise be dealt with.

I'm not bringing this up simply because some article says it, I've experienced this phenomenon for myself. Just a couple of weeks ago, I was out for a run and lost it--completely fell apart and cried like a baby the whole walk home. Having just lost my father-in-law and cousin that week, I needed a good run to clear my head. It started out happy and strong. At mile 2 I ran past a pregnant woman who was out for a jog herself. The weight of my loss last year combined with the recent deaths came crashing down on me. When I got to mile 4 I could no longer repress those feelings, so I stopped running and dealt with the grief. (My sincerest apologies to the gentleman walking his dog who had to observe my meltdown.)

If you've never given running a chance, I highly recommend it for both your physical health and mental health. Take a friend with you if you feel like venting out loud--you'll be surprised at the bond you'll form with each other.

dailymile

2010-08-09T04:30:00.000-07:00

**Disclaimer: I am not being paid a single penny for this post. However, if dailymile decides that I am spectacular and they want to buy me a car or a house or something, I will kindly accept it. Mostly I just wanted to share my thoughts on their website with you.**

In April, a friend of mine talked me into logging my running via a social training log called dailymile. At first I resisted because, frankly, who needs to remember another password? But when I went to their website, I saw that I could log in with facebook. And it would automatically post my updates to facebook if I wanted it to.

The thing that sucked me in was the community. You quickly find others in your area who are working on similar fitness goals, and they really encourage you in your training. Think of it as a virtual pat on the back.

I also have to confess that the nerd in me loves seeing my stats. For instance, I ran/walked 42 miles in the month of July. The farthest run was 6.03 miles. The fastest pace was 9 min 16 secs. Since April I've logged 113 miles, which is the equivalent of burning off about 90 donuts!!!

Now the only thing that dailymile is missing is a kickbutt iPhone app. Maybe we could all sign a petition...Anyway, my point is that I really love dailymile. So much that I put a widget on this blog. The end.

5k FTW!

2010-08-08T05:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I ran the Williamson County 5k. Since it was the inaugural race for the Williamson County Fair, only 65 participants competed and I managed to place 2nd in the Female 20-29 Division. It was really nice to win something. My 2 year old kept saying "A trophy Mom! You have a trophy!"

Despite the crazy heat from the previous week, it was actually a very cool morning with a light breeze. Absolutely PERFECT running weather. A sweet friend and motivator from church (see Kerry below) came with a coworker to walk the race. These positively adorable gals have convinced me to run the Apple Festival 5k next month.

There were other wonderful surprises at this event too. My Uncle Jerry came to run the 5k. It was his very first race. I am so proud of him and will try to convince him to run another soon. :-)

At each mile of the race there were water stations manned by volunteers from the Third Baptist Church of Marion. I refused the water at Mile 1, planning to get some water at Mile 2. Imagine my surprise at Mile 2 when I hear a familiar, "Heyyyyyyy!" and I look up to see my cousin Brett and his beautiful wife Amy holding out a cup for me.

(This is my Uncle Jerry on the left, and my cousin-in-law Amy on the right.)

It was a great day. My husband and I celebrated our 6th anniversary, had a beautiful morning at the race, and ordered matching iPhone 4's in the afternoon. How much more romantic can you get? ;-)

Training, training, training.

2010-08-02T13:32:00.000-07:00

According to the Cannonball Run website:

"The Greensboro Cannonball Run will be a 13.1 mile course with the Start/Finish located at Greensboro Country Park. The event will include something for everyone!"

Isn't that annoyingly chipper? Or is it just me, since I'm facing the daunting task of running 13.1 miles? Ok, just checking. (Did I mention that I registered for this half marathon? Well, I registered for this half marathon. Now you know.)

Training is going pretty well...except for the whole blisters on my feet thing. Yes, cotton socks ARE satanic and, yes, I've finally dished out the cash for some good running socks. And the getting up early thing hasn't been a cakewalk. I'm officially done with Physical Therapy appointments, but continuing the exercises on my own. My body feels so much stronger now!

In addition, I joined the River to River Running Club. This morning I ran with a very nice couple who are both members of the club. Next week I'm planning to run with some ladies on my usual route. It's so encouraging to have others around you who are just as insane as you are. Really, it makes me feel much better about my commitment to torture my lungs. :-)

Just in case you are wondering, the picture above is actually last year's Cannonball Run. You'll have to wait until at least October 16th to see this year's race, with me somewhere near the back of the photo. You're welcome.

The Jogging Mommy

2010-07-23T05:37:00.000-07:00

Hey all! I promise that I am returning from my blogging hiatus very soon...but before I do, check out a cute story I found by another Mommy blogger. Enjoy!

But what if you get there and you can?

2010-06-17T09:46:00.000-07:00

Admittedly, I don't follow the tv show "The Biggest Loser" but thoroughly enjoy watching the season finale episodes. While watching the opening to this season's finale, there was a small clip that caught my attention. A mother daughter team is sitting together talking on camera and the very obese daughter says "But what if I get there and I can't do it, Mama?" to which her mother replies "But what if you get there and you can?"

This is a powerful example for so many of us to change our way of thinking. My self-destructive habit is to be like the daughter. I often feel or tell myself that I can't run. Training for a 5k pushed me way out of my comfort zone and now training for a half marathon feels impossible. I keep thinking "What if I can't? What if I try and fail?" To get past this to victory I often have to rely on the encouragement and will power of others who speak to me (through words or actions) "What if you can?"

A simple thank you isn't adequate enough for everyone who is helping me in this journey. And it can't be stated enough, that whatever challenges you are facing, you can do it too. Go for it!

National Running Day

2010-06-02T07:19:00.000-07:00

Happy National Running Day everyone! I must confess that I did not know such a holiday even existed until this morning. Disappointingly, I ran yesterday so today is my rest day. To celebrate this day there are a few things I am doing today.

1) Printing out, filling out, then mailing my application to join the River to River Runners group. Hopefully I'll connect with other runners so we can motivate each other.

2) Making a running plan that will take effect the very minute the physical therapist clears me to start training for a half marathon.

3) Sharing with you my first running experience that I had after moving to Carterville.
I put James in the jogging stroller and convinced myself that it was time to get back in the running groove. Feeling less-than-confident, I pushed the stroller down Greenbriar Rd simply because it has a decent sidewalk and it leads to the park. It was St. Patricks day, and unbeknownst to me, a man in his 70's wearing a green "I'm Irish" t-shirt was sitting on his front porch. As I jog past him he yells encouragement to me, "Go mama go!!!" A huge smile spread across my face and I craned my neck to find the person who was rooting for me. I yell "Thanks!" and he yells back "Happy St. Patrick's Day!" as I continue on my journey to the park. My eyes welled up just a bit and I will always fondly remember that kindness from a stranger, the right words at the right time that lifted my spirits.

Now go out and celebrate today with a run or a walk!

Two Hundred Situps Challenge

2010-04-28T05:50:00.000-07:00

Time is coming to a close on the two hundred situps challenge that I began over a month ago. According to the website, all the training that I've endured until now should have prepared me to do 200 consecutive situps. (And by situps, I really mean crunches. Just so you know.)

The most situps I have done during a session is 430, broken up into groups with one minute resting in between. The most consecutive situps I have done without resting is 108. It will be interesting to see if 200 is really attainable.

This is yet another challenge that is spurring me on to achieve my weight loss goal of 16 lbs. So far I've kissed 7 lbs good bye and watched my body really shape up. Adios fat, hola muscles!

Sounds like a girls night out to me!

2010-04-27T07:49:00.000-07:00

As a bzzagent, I occasionally get to try new products or learn about new things in exchange for sharing my honest opinion about them. Recently I joined a campaign to promote a movie called "BABIES" which is coming out on Mother's Day weekend. BABIES is a too-cute-for-words, beautiful documentary that captures the first breaths to first steps of four babies around the world. It is a joyful journey of humanity that shows how unique and yet how similar life is for all of us. Take a look at the trailer and see for your self.

This seems like a good excuse for a girls night out to me!

Off and running again

2010-04-26T06:53:00.000-07:00

Despite my lack of consistent posting, my running has become pretty consistent lately. So much so, that I am very seriously considering making a commitment to run a half marathon in October. In the meantime, I have registered for a 5k and am checking out a 10k.

It has been a joy to reconnect with many old friends in Southern Illinois, one of whom has been running with me once a week. I cherish those times because the run goes by so quickly when you have sometime to talk and laugh with. Although, one day she made me laugh so hard I almost fell over. That's pretty dangerous, Katie. You should stop being so funny. ;-)

Sometimes I run with James and my niece, Myra, in a jogging stroller. Try pushing a combined 75 lbs while you run and see if that doesn't make your arms stronger! Then other times I actually run alone. This has been much needed meditation and prayer time. What a wonderful opportunity to pray for the people around me as I run by fishermen, people walking for fitness, moms and kids heading to the playground and bored teenagers who just come to the park to have some where to hang out.

Once I figure out what races I'm doing this summer/fall, I'll keep you posted. Promise!

P.S. Thanks to consistently running and healthy eating, I've lost 7 lbs in 3 weeks. Hooray!

Joanna's Health Reform

2010-03-22T18:24:00.000-07:00

There's been a lot of debate about this issue inside my brain lately. My health--does it need to be reformed? Absolutely. But what is the best way to go about this reform? Does it require using the words "hope" and "change"? {End of cheesy political references.}

For the past 6 months, I have been unkind to my body. Filling it with junk food, sitting on my fanny, not taking care of my skin and hair. On one hand, I realize that I'm struggling with depression and that takes a toll on a person. On the other hand, I really need to take care of myself to stop perpetuating the cycle of feeling bad. The most excruciating part of it all is that I still have a pregnancy belly, despite no longer being pregnant. Something has to change.

For the past week Gilad, much like Hanz and Franz pictured above, has been pumping me up. Each day he comes on FitTV to make me sweat and tone and act like a crazy person. It's good times, really. The scale, however, is telling me that I've gained 4 lbs in the past week, despite exercising 5 days in a row and eating the same amount of calories. So here I go on an adventure to exercise and cut down on the calories and eat the right foods!

Any thoughts or suggestions that might be helpful? What has motivated or helped you to become healthier?

Sensory Processing Disorder

2010-03-02T09:38:00.000-08:00

Do you have some weird ticks about you? Do you have to have your clothes washed a certain way? Are there certain foods you won't eat because of their texture? Are certain smells or sounds overwhelming for you? To some extent, all of us have a disorder. A Sensory Processing Disorder. But the majority of us learn to cope with it and become well-adjusted adults. For some, this disorder interferes with the ability live a normal life.

When James was an infant, I knew something wasn't quite right. We, and others around us, labeled him colicky, strong-willed, stubborn, picky, clingy....you get the picture. It's like he has always been out of sync. Despite the reassurance of well-meaning relatives and friends, I still saw behavior outside of the normal range. And I haven't been able to let go of the nagging feeling that there has to be something that can help James get through his issues.

Here's an article that Time ran about this disorder. Some of James' symptoms include:

Distressed by taking a bath or shower
Severe separation anxiety
Extremely fearful of the sound of a vacuum
Extreme difficulty accepting changes in routine
Requires excessive help from caregiver to fall asleep/go back to sleep
Distressed by clothes rubbing on the skin, refuses certain items of clothing based on their texture or his perception of how tight they are.
Distressed by medium to large groups of people, will resort to tantrums/meltdowns if he isn't allowed to escape group situations

These all sound like the typical two year old...unless you actually see the severity that James exhibits. If you've ever had to wrestle him to the ground just to change his clothing, then you'd see what I go through every day. If you had to wait for Toby to get home to physically hold James down in the bathtub to bathe him, all the while listening to his desperate cries of "It HURTS! Water HURTS!" then you'd know something is definitely wrong. And if you saw the screaming and crying we go through just to get him to sleep, you would identify that he has an issue with self soothing.

Toby and I feel so blessed to meet someone here in Southern Illinois who works for Early Intervention and is helping us find the resources we need to help James. Pray with us as we will be meeting with a developmental therapist and an occupational therapist to evaluate what specifically James needs help with and how we can help him get past his sensory issues. Any time your child struggles with some area of life, it feels like a big responsibility as a parent to help him/her deal with that struggle.

2 Years of Sweet James

2010-02-27T05:20:00.000-08:00

Dear James,

Today marks 2 years since the very morning we got to meet you on "the outside." What a crazy couple of years it has been! I don't think I can begin to describe how much you've grown. Or how much your Daddy and I have grown over that time. We've been challenged and blessed to get to know you, fall in love with you, and raise you.

We are continually amazed at the new things you are learning. You refuse to do things on command--just marching to the beat of your own drummer, I guess. When we least expect it we'll hear you count out loud or sing your ABC's or make a very grown up comment. It makes us laugh. A couple of weeks ago you even decided to ditch your diapers. So long, Sweet Baby, hello Big Kid James!

Daddy and I are so proud of you, little man. We pray for you continually and are humbled by the responsibility God gave us to share our faith with you and raise you into a full grown man. In our times of joy you've given us moments of laughter and happiness. Through our sorrow of not getting to raise your little sibling, you've been a source of comfort.

Today we celebrate the wonderful 2 years we've had with you. Sesame Street style of course.

I love you,
Mama

Better Than an Iron

2010-02-21T14:50:00.000-08:00

I'm learning how to iron. For Toby's new job he is expected to wear a dress shirt and tie. So I've knocked the dust off the old ironing board and bought a new iron. [There's no telling how long the old one has been broken.]

I've heard people say they like to iron. Previously I questioned their sanity. (This *is* housework, correct? Shouldn't it be a chore?) But a few days ago the light bulb appeared over my head. Ironing is enjoyable because its the one thing we desire most--to have our wrinkled, messed up lives smoothed out to perfection.

My life has never been perfect, but it used to be a lot more like a wrinkle-free shirt. There was this innocence. I was happy and carefree in a way that I haven't been since September 24th. Instead it feels like someone has wadded me up, thrown me across the room, stomped on me a few times for good measure and now I'm a mess.

It's natural to want to be wrinkle-free. Since I can't get back that innocence on my own it is desirable to reduce God to an iron. My prayers, at times, have gone something like this "God, I would give anything to have that child You gave me still in my womb. I was looking so forward to holding him or her in April. The pain is still raw and I don't want to feel like this anymore. Take away this pain and mourning." Just like an iron, I want Him to make everything smooth and "perfect" again.

But God hasn't taken away the mourning and grief. He hasn't sheltered me from tragic events and made my life on earth all sunshine and clear skies. Instead, in spite of the bad things that have happened, He's given me something much better than protection from hurt: He's given me the desire to seek Him.

In 1 Samuel chapter 7 we see the Israelites who have been worshiping false gods. But rather than push God away, as the Philistines did in chapters 5 and 6, the Israelites brought the ark of the covenant to their land and they mourned. They were grieved that they had given their hearts away and built their lives on the wrong things.

And their mourning led to seeking God. Samuel said to the people, "If you are returning to the Lord with all your hearts, then rid yourselves of the foreign gods and the Ashtoreths and commit yourselves to the Lord and serve Him only." This is the cry and prayer of my heart. There are so many idols I had let in--I was putting so much faith in stability, safety, money, friends, my husband's job, our house...the list goes on. I said that I had faith in God, but I didn't live like it.

When my whole world was turned upside down by tragedy, God used that opportunity to draw me to Himself. And I'm truly being overwhelmed by this relentless, sovereign, merciful, gracious, loving God who knows me and loves me anyway. So much so that He made a way for me to spend eternity with Him. He sent His holy, perfect and only Son to save me from my wadded-up, wrinkly, sinful self. He has shown me that He truly loves me yesterday, today and tomorrow whether it be in joy or sorrow. Love so amazing, so divine demands my life, my soul, my all.

Check out my Slide Show of the first month of James!

2008-03-28T09:53:00.000-07:00

Tears, Determination and Frustrating Weeks

2008-04-09T17:16:00.000-07:00

My mom did it. My sister did it. My sister-in-law did it too. Why couldn't I? I knew it might not be easy...but who knew that it would require (literal) blood, sweat and tears?

On a chilly February morning I gave birth to a biter. And not just any biter--a narrow latching, disorganized sucking, give-me-a-bottle-or-I'll-make-your-nipples-angry biter. We tried every thing possible, nipple shields, breast shells, cup feeding, different holds. I nursed standing up, sitting down, laying down, in the dark, in the bathtub, upside down in a Barca lounger...ok maybe I'm exaggerating on the last one. After lots of trial and error my nipples were cracked and bleeding, but I just couldn't give up. I wanted so desperately to breastfeed my baby. My guardian angel (aka my lactation consultant) was magnificent, but for some reason she wouldn't move into my house with me and my husband and Old Iron Jaws, er, my baby. So I began to scour the web for anything to keep me going.

I found websites that told me the 4 ounces of formula I was supplementing with each day were going to make him mentally retarded or, at the very least, ill. To the other extreme, some made it seem as if there was no reason to keep pumping 24/7 and offering my breast to my child when formula and bottles are so readily available. But then I came across kellymom -- ah, be still my bleeding nipples! When my son screamed and refused his mommy, I read Help! My Baby Won't Nurse through tears streaming down my face. Then I found even more great online resources. While baby boy insisted on drinking from a bottle only, I turned to Dr. Sears for advice. He encouraged me to practice babywearing to bond with my little piranha. And through all of the trials and tribulations, I had to keep on pumping, sometimes exclusively.

Perhaps the online source that made the biggest impact on me and kept me going is My Baby Just Doesn't Get It by an IBCLC named Diane Wiessinger. It is a page that tells of many women and babies who had trouble nursing but succeeded in the end. These stories gave me hope that successful breastfeeding would happen, even if it took more time and determination than I had ever realized. I read these stories over and over, especially during the moments when I wanted to give up. The webpage says this:

The things these babies' mothers had in common were tears, determination, plenty of skin contact with their babies, and help from a knowledgeable breastfeeding specialist. Each pair followed a different path to breastfeeding. Some babies caught on quickly, some needed long and frustrating weeks. But all these babies went on to enjoy breastfeeding...

And all their mothers say it was worth the wait.

It has taken us 6 weeks and breastfeeding still isn't perfect. Sometimes my child still struggles to latch on, but those times are becoming fewer and farther between. Sometimes I still pull out the old lanolin cream and ibuprofen, and begin to think about everything that baby and I have gone through over the past month and a half. I must say that the mothers are right--it was worth the wait.

Going Green & No TV

2008-04-22T13:10:00.000-07:00

Happy Earth Day! To celebrate the day, James and I attended a Babies Go Green Party today. Yes, I did take him in his cloth diapers. No, we did not hug trees...but we did water them. (Babies love water, trees love water. It's all good.)

We are also celebrating National TV Turnoff Week -- that's right, no television in this household this week. I do admit to some cheating, because I have still spent some time at my laptop this week (like right now!) so I am getting screen time and entertainment in a slightly different form. And I do plan on watching American Idol highlights, an episode of The Office and the new episode of Lost after they are all posted online. Which is STILL LIKE TV, I KNOW...but my TV set will not be turned on this week. Period. Why? There are several reasons:

1) Now that I'm a SAHM I have tried to replace human interaction with TV. Not good!
2) The commercialism that TV promotes has begun to affect me.
3) My (almost) 2 month old son doesn't need TV time. He's already absorbing things and learning from my habits.
4) TV takes up too much time that could be used for other things.

New Meaning to Christ's Sacrifice

2008-04-28T08:17:00.000-07:00

"...In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe..."

- "In Christ Alone" Words and Music by Keith Getty & Stuart Townend

The baby shampoo company, Johnson & Johnson, is right--having a baby changes everything. Your whole life is turned upside down the minute your bundle of joy is placed in your arms, never to return to the way it used to be. I can (and will in the near future) ramble on and on about the things that are new and challenging daily, but for now I'd rather share with you some of the beautiful things God is revealing to me through my son.

1) We are good and perfect gifts...because God created us. Life is sacred, and James has made me appreciate that so much.

2) Jesus became flesh. Wow. I can't comprehend the fullness of God, but now I've seen and know the helplessness of a babe. It brings me to tears every time we sing "In Christ Alone."

3) God gave us His only Son. This truth has hit closer to home than ever before. What an incredible, beautiful sacrifice.

James is 2 months old!

2008-04-30T12:38:00.000-07:00

Hard to believe this, but my baby is 2 months old! Today we went to the doctor to get his shots and make sure he was doing well. James is 13 lbs 2 oz, and measures 23 inches long. The pediatrician wanted to know if he can hold his head up and if he gets tummy time--she laid him belly down on the table and he pushed himself upward so that his chest was completely off the table and he looked around the room. She was surprised, but I wasn't! He's already rolling over, trying to laugh, and is very alert when he's awake. What a kid!

Trip to Montana

2008-05-01T18:45:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, Toby, James & I had planned on taking a trip to Montana with Jeff, Jasmine & the kids. However, we decided last minute to cancel, but send the kids anyway. Carmen (age 3) is in charge of Anthony (almost 1 year) and James (2 months). I'm sure they'll be fine, they can hitchhike. Carmen promised to send us pictures every day, so I'll post them on this blog. Check back often!

May 2 & 3

2008-05-03T14:47:00.000-07:00

Carmen sent me some photos and let me know how the kids were doing on their trip to Montana. They began their trip in Illinois (of course), then drove through Missouri, Iowa, then South Dakota. On Friday, they made it all the way to Wall, South Dakota where they were stuck due to all the SNOW! The interstate was closed and all the hotels were full, so they were forced to go to the town community center to sleep on cots. Praise God, the interstate opened in a few hours, so they made it to their original destination of Rapid City, South Dakota to stay at a Best Western with an indoor waterpark. They are having a BLAST!!! Here's some pics of their journey thus far.

May 4, 5 & 6

2008-05-07T16:41:00.000-07:00

Carmen sent me more photos. She, Anthony & James are having a ball in Montana! They made it to Jacob & Helen's house. Along the way they stopped & played. After they got to Montana, they spent lots of time with Titi Helen & Anthony met Uncle Jake for the first time ever. They also went to a museum to learn more about Lewis & Clark. I think they are discovering why Montana is called "Big Sky Country."

10 Ways My Life Would Be Different If I Didn't Have a Baby*

2008-05-20T14:31:00.000-07:00

1. I wouldn't have spit up on my black shirt right now.
2. Instead of blogging, I would be doing something productive right now, like working.
3. I wouldn't have a snuggle buddy in my arms today.
4. I wouldn't have to wash my comforter because it is drenched in baby pee.
5. My day wouldn't revolve around someone's eating and pooping schedule.
6. I would get to shower every day.
7. Much fewer people would smile at me when I'm at the grocery store.
8. My house wouldn't have nearly as much STUFF to clutter it up.
9. I couldn't look at a miniature version of my husband anytime I wanted to.
10. My heart wouldn't melt every few hours because of a precious laugh and beautiful smile. :-)

*This post is inspired by my friend Amanda.

Remebering

2008-06-09T11:04:00.000-07:00

My 24th birthday occurred on 06.07.08. On this day a great man also passed away. His name was Mont Davis, Jr., but I called him Pa. He was my great uncle, but he was very much like a grandfather to me after the death of my own grandparents when I was very young. There are many memories of times we spent together, summers that I practically lived with him and "MaMa," trips to McDonald's when I was 4, and all the books he bought me from Barnes and Noble when I was a preteen who adored reading.

He was a very well educated man who loved to share his knowledge with others. He worked in education for many years and served as the superintendent of the schools that he loved so much. The stories he told and the history he shared with me are invaluable. I miss him already and count myself so fortunate to have a picture taken just a month ago of Pa, MaMa and James in my scrapbook.

Understanding My Son's Needs

2008-07-03T10:02:00.000-07:00

I knew from my 15th week of pregnancy that James was a mover & a shaker. But I had never heard the term "high need child" so I certainly didn't expect to have one. James is 4 months old now. He still cries to be held constantly, nurses 10 to 15 times in any given 24 hour period, and is sometimes completely inconsolable.

Many people (with good intentions) have given me advice on how to deal with these 'problems'. "Put him down and let him cry," they tell me. "He's getting spoiled." "Don't feed him so much--make him wait longer." What these advice givers do not understand is that they are, subtly, telling me that I'm not doing the right things, that James would be different if I just (fill-in-the-blank).

After letting my son scream for an hour straight, depriving him of food when he needed to eat and feeling like a complete failure as a parent, I've discovered info & research by Dr. Sears that shows how this style of 'parenting' is completely wrong, especially for my high need kid.

Here are some of the many attributes of James (and other high need babies):

1. In demand of constant attention
High need children want and need attention, and they will not be ignored. This is not a child you can leave in the crib to fuss for a few moments to see if he/she might go back to sleep he/she wants attention. If the child wants you to hold him/her, he/she won’t be put off by books, toys, or someone else’s attention. You will find that this child has no compunctions against letting these demands be known, for he/she will let you know quite loudly.

2. In need of physical contact very often
High need children, especially as babies, need a lot of physical contact. This may manifest as fussing when they are put down, needing to eat often and long, refusing to go to sleep, or any combination of the three. High need children will often sleep better in bed with their parents so that they can maintain contact all night long.

3. Unpredictable
High need children constantly surprise you with new things that seem to be designed to drive you mad. What comforted them yesterday may not work today. Their sleep patterns may vary drastically from week to week. It’s sort of like a daily poker game: you never know what you’re going to draw from one day to the next.

4. Constantly feeding, especially nursing
High need children don’t generally fit into the 2 1/2 to 3 hour feeding routine into which most babies fall. Most want to be latched on seemingly forever. Some of this relates to their need for close physical contact; nursing fills that need quite nicely. They may also have a need for sucking (which is a normal baby need) beyond what they get from eating. If they don’t like pacifiers, they may turn you into a human pacifier, employing “comfort sucking” rather than real eating.

When I read these things (plus how to listen to my instinct to care for James) I began to weep aloud. FINALLY, someone understands. Someone out there knows what it is like to cry along with your child, to feel crazy because what works one day doesn't work the next. To affirm to me that I'm a good mother because I love & nurture my son, and not harrass me about putting James on a rigid schedule.

Some people may think, "My child wasn't/isn't like the behavior you're describing because I (fill-in-the-blank)." I disagree with that thinking, especially on a theological level. Didn't God form me from my mother's womb? Was I a blank slate that became the way I am solely due to environment? Of course not--I was predestined to be who I am. And so was James.

Disagree with me if you will, but I plan to continue 'spoiling' James w/ affection until he's so 'spoiled' that he believes his Mommy will always be there for him, loving him endlessly.